What We Saw:

Father Figure

To save on space and clutter, R2 and OboeCrazy *R2 waves* joined forces and sat down to collaborate on a ... deep and philosophical level about tonight’s ... okay. We ranted. Below you will find the fruit of our efforts. Do not read if you are easily offended...no wait, screw that. Read it anyway. :-)

" ... after our parents died, Kevin and I were sent to live with our Aunt and Uncle." -- Darien, VO in Reunion.

Thus begins the problems with this episode. It wouldn’t be too bad, except the main character this plot revolves around is SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!!

*sigh*

We’re mad as Hell, and we’re not gonna take it anymore!! *R2 tries to sing, but is whacked by OboeCrazy*

Yes, we’ve ranted about this before, but this is canon. Canon would be anything and ONLY what appears on the TV screen, and up till "Father Figure", Darien’s Dad was dead. D-E-A-D. Deceased. Passed through the curtain and joined the choir invisible. He was no more. He was a dead parrot. This is not a minor nit-pick. Not only is it a major part of who Darien is, but the entire plot of this episode revolves around Mason Fawkes’ return to the living. Matt Greenburg created this show, and we’re pretty sure if he wanted Darien’s dad dead...then dead he should remain.

Why did nobody catch this? *We glare at Levinson evilly*

It is a well known fact that Mr. Levinson was an Executive Producer in the 1st season, and so it’s hard to believe that he would just happen to forget such an important aspect of one of the major characters in the show. It just seems to us that he is blatantly disregarding major facts in order to suit his crappy plot needs, and boy does that not sit well with us. Consistency has not been a strong point this season, and apparently it’s not an issue at all when it gets in the way of the plot.

There were several ways this show could have been saved. Most involved having Darien still believing his father was dead. As R2 stated in her post yesterday, all we really wanted was to hear Darien say 5 little words to somebody: "I thought Dad was dead." You would think the government would have an easier time covering up someone’s death than disappearance. The Government fakes death all of the time in movies, it would leave the family with closure and not wondering all their lives what the Hell happened. A few simple dialogue changes and consistency would have been saved!

Unfortunately this was not the only problem with this episode. Surprise surprise. Shall we just go through them in order? *ahem*

-Darien ends up being given away to Mason because the steam from the basement pipe froze on his quicksilver. Later, to Hobbes, he wonders how Mason knew he was there. Well, gee, Darien, didn’t you notice your entire pelvic region was frozen?!

-The last time Darien saw his father was when he was 5. He admitted several times that he remembers little, and that he didn’t really care about his dad. Yet a quick glance at a man more then 25 years later convinces him enough that it’s his Dad to go talking to grandma? People change a lot in 25 years. If you hadn’t seen him since, would you remember how your dad looked when you were 5? Even pictures from 25 years ago are going to be terribly outdated...that’s why police photos get aged.

-Problems with breaking into the "United States Security Agency": First, why the Hell couldn’t a quicksilvered Darien go down the hallway with the motion sensors? We’ve seen him walk through laser sensors in L&L. Hobbes didn’t say they were thermals, so there shouldn’t have been a problem. Second, Darien starts back down the pressure-plated hallway and stops to lean on a chair, but doesn’t set off the alarm. He then decides to have a seat, and the alarms go off. Huh? Third, the alarms go off and Darien doesn’t quicksilver and book out of there? Huh?! Fourth, he tells Alex and Hobbes about how he was just released with no problems, not even searched. These two highly trained (and very paranoid) agents are just "not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth"? Huh?!!

-While Darien talks with grandma again, Hobbes observers the bad guys approaching. When he goes after them and is fired on, he ducks behind A PROPANE TANK? OK first, what the hell is a huge propane tank doing on the farm? And second, what the hell is Hobbes doing using it as cover for a fire fight?

-So the bad guys leave, Darien pokes his head out to find out what happened, and then runs off with Hobbes to chase the bad guys. Leaving behind one very vulnerable grandma. HELLO?! I don’t think she knows Wushu

-Darien and Hobbes are cornered in a dam (we think it’s the Hoover Damn, just because). They duck behind the van, and not once does Darien think about quicksilvering?

-In the van on the way back to Grandma, Dad explains everything. And you know how much OboeCrazy loves gratuitous exposition. He says he’s kept tabs on Darien, and knows all about the disappearing act. How the HELL did he find out about something so highly classified? Surely it wasn’t through AOL.

-Dad approaches the bad guys, apparently to give himself up. In full view of several highly trained agents he goes for his gun and shoots the propane tank. First, he shouldn’t have had time to go for the gun. Can you say bullet riddled Dad? Second, propane explodes...it’s really big bang. I’m sure you’ve seen clips of propane explosions on "When Disasters Strike Animals That Are Attacking Bad Drivers Caught on Video II". Bigger then what we saw. Grandma’s house should be a smoking crater and dad should be a bullet riddled bar-b-q!!

-Hobbes has better eyesight then we thought. Just one look at those snazzy sunglasses the bad guys were wearing and he could tell they were thermal. Wow.

-So Grandma gets toted out with a gun to her head by a bad guy, who has an earpiece connecting him to all the other agents. No one bothered to inform him that there happened to be a highly trained sniper laying outside in clear view? Wow again.

-While both of us had a problem with the ending, R2 threw up. Oboe could hear her throwing up all the way from NY. It was so sappy, we were sticky afterwards. This is a scene you usually only see in crappy soap operas *we glare evilly at Levinson again*. On top of that, you would think Dad would be a little reluctant to go back into the sniper business after what just happened. Don’t you think it’s a good time to retire?

The only reason that’s the end of the bad stuff was because that was the end of the show (Thank God).

There were some small good things about this eppy. The banter between Darien and Hobbes was excellent as usual, even if there was very little. Gloria Stuart did a wonderful job as well. And there was one fun little scene as Claire and Alex out-bluffed the Official and Eberts.

Unfortunately these are diamonds in the rough. The very ... very rough. Superman would have problems finding these diamonds.

As fans of IM, we have come to expect a certain high standard, not just inside the show itself, but in relation to other shows on television. That’s why we started watching to begin with. If we wanted to see crap like this, we could watch 95% of the other stuff on TV. We continue to watch even when the show lets us down in the hope that it will come back to meet the bar it set for itself in the 1st season.

Matt Greenburg created an intelligent, witty, dramatic, and fun show. Where did that show go?

R2 and OboeCrazy

PS -- R2 says "Thank you, Mr. Levinson, for butchering our show"

PPS -- OboeCrazy says "Ditto...and by the way, this also counts as my review."

*OboeCrazy and R2 low five each other*