"Ninety percent of everything is crap." -Theodore Sturgeon
Season 1:
PILOT: total number = 13
-"Aw crap." Darien, as he turns back to save the old man.
-"Aw crap." Darien, when caught by the police.
-"Oh crap." Darien, when caught trying to escape from the county
jail.
-"Aw crap." Darien, when caught spying on the nurse and guard
having a private party.
-"Crap." Darien, when he can’t get his arm to quicksilver.
-"Aw crap." Darien, when the guard finds him standing over Arnaud
with the fire extinguisher.
-"Aw crap." Darien, hearing the explosions outside while trying to
escape from the restraints.
-"Aw crap!" Kevin and Darien in stereo, when they see the gunman.
-"Fricken Agency doesn’t pay me enough for that crap!" Hobbes, on
finding Arnaud’s house.
-"Oh crap." Hobbes, when the Canadian Terrorists spot them.
-"Aw crap." Darien, when about to be shot at by the Canadian
Terrorists.
-"Don’t pull that crap, you need me!" Darien, to the Official
while on the cell in the Church.
-"I was in a trench, knee deep in camel crap, shrapnel going right up
my..." Hobbes, on his fun time in Iraq.
THE CATEVARI: total number = 3
-"Why don’t you cut the Three Days of the Condor crap." Darien,
to the Official.
-"Aw crap." Darien, when he see’s the Official was scratched by
Fogerty.
-"Did she pull that enigmatic crap on you?" Fogerty, about the
Keeper.
RALPH: total number = 4
-"When are you going to cut the crap?" Darien, to the Official
about the cover of the dead bird.
-(this counts as 3) "Oh crap....oh crap oh crap I can’t do it I can’t
quicksilver!" Darien, when Jessica is about to come back.
TIRESIAS: total number = 3
-"That’s a bunch of crap, you care about me like you care about that
rat." Darien, on how much the Keeper cares about him.
-"People actually fall for this line of crap?" Hobbes, to
Scarborough on his job.
-"Your prophecies are crap." Darien, to Scarborough.
IMPETUS: total number = 2
-"Cut the crap, Justin." Gloria, on if she is going to die or not.
-"I don’t have to take any crap from buzzheads like you." The
Official, on how much he loves his job and not working with the military.
THE DEVIL YOU KNOW: total number = 3
-"I’d say I think you were full of crap." Darien, on Lawson and
his offer to help him out.
-"So Hobbes fired his gun and I knocked the guy into the pool, which
managed to fake out Lawson and scare the crap out of 50 tourists. Not bad for a
days work." Darien, explaining what just happened.
-"That is crap!" Lawson, about the court proceedings
LIBERTY AND LARCENY: total number = 4
-"Aw crap." Darien, when Hobbes shows up at the KMart for thieves.
-"Aw crap." Darien and Liz in stereo, about the lasers.
-"Is that more keychain crap?" Darien, about the Keeper and her
advice.
-"Ah crap, I’m talking to tools." Darien, as he prepares to
rescue Liz.
THE VALUE OF SECRETS: total number = 3
-"Oh crap." Darien, after he quicksilver’s Kate his response to
her reaction.
-"Oh crap." Darien, when he prematurely quicksilver’s with Kate.
-"No you, no me, that kind of crap." Darien, to the Keeper on what
he knows about quantum physics.
SEPARATION ANXIETY: total number = 1
-"I’m surprised the two of you aren’t kicking the crap out of each other." Darien, about Hobbes and Brock.
IT HURTS WHEN YOU DO THIS: total number = 1
-"Aw crap." Darien, when he finds out Hobbes was taken to surgery.
THE OTHER INVISIBLE MAN: total number = 5
-"Aw crap." Darien, when he "sees" Simon at the cafe.
-"...which admittedly sounds like crap even as I say it but I know I saw
something and it wasn’t cool!" Darien, on his explanation on how he can
see Simon.
-"Aw crap." Darien, when he finds out they have to go back to Kevin’s
lab.
-"Do you guys seriously believe any of this crap?" Darien, on
Claire’s explanation of what's going on.
-"I still feel terrible about beating the crap out of my boss."
Darien, about the first events of the episode.
REUNION: total number = 4
-"Oh crap." "My sentiment exactly." Hobbes then Darien,
on finding out Kevin may be alive.
-"Except maybe a line of crap." Hobbes, on the Doctor’s
explanation.
-"Aw crap." Darien, when the cop car pulls up to the house.
-"Crap like that." Darien, about the stuff that really matters.
CAT AND MOUSE: total number = 4
-"I don’t want my final moments in this piece of crap." Darien,
about the van.
-"Come on you piece of crap!" Hobbes, about the compact car.
-"Aw crap." Darien, when caught by the Chinese.
-"Aw crap." Darien, just before getting his head drilled.
BEHOLDER: total number = 3
-"That’s crap, it’s exploitation. It’s good for them!"
Darien, on blind models.
-"Aw crap." Darien, when knocked over rocks reveals his position.
-And this may only half count but: "You got pigeons everywhere crappin."
Darien, on the beach.
GHOST OF A CHANCE: total number = 4
-"Get out of this office you little bald pile of crap!" Ambassador
Hollywell, to Hobbes.
-"Aw crap!" Darien, watching Arias get drowned.
-"Aw crap." Darien, when La Llorona disappeared.
-"Aw crap!" Hobbes, watching La Llorona disappear into the ocean.
FLOWERS FOR HOBBES: total number = 4
-"Aw crap, that looks bad." Darien, about Hobbes’ injury.
-"Why don’t you do me a favor and cut the crap, Doc." Darien, to
Dr. Galasyn.
-"Aw crap." Darien, on seeing the dead college students.
-"Claire!! Get this crap out of me!" Darien, on the retro-virus
about to kill him.
PERCHANCE TO DREAM: total number = 4
-"Aw crap." Darien, when he see’s the biker with a gun.
-"My preference is the hard way, because then we get to beat the crap
out of you." Darien, to the computer geeks.
-"Cut the crap, all right?" Hobbes, to the computer geeks.
-"Aw crap." Hobbes and Darien in stereo when they see the guards
knocked unconscious.
FROZEN IN TIME: total number = 6
-"Oh crap" Darien, when watching Kate makes him turn invisible.
-"Aw crap!" Darien, on the floor turning invisible.
-"Aw crap." Darien, after finding out Helen is involved.
-"Aw crap." Darien, when sprayed visible in the truck.
-"Aw crap!" Darien, on seeing the guard in the hallway.
-"Aw CRAP!" Darien, when the guard see’s the alarm button.
DISEASED: total number = 3
-"Crappy." Darien, telling Claire how he feels.
-"Aw crap!" Darien, about to get the sicksilver cut off by Claire.
-"Aw crap." Darien, realizing he’s about to get the crap kicked
out of him.
LESSER EVIL: total number = 3
-"Aw crap." Darien, when he see’s it’s Allinoria.
-"Started thinking maybe it wasn’t a load of crap." Darien, about
his relationship with Allinoria.
-"Aw crap!" Hobbes and Darien in stereo as the building is
destroyed.
MONEY FOR NOTHING PART 1: total number = 3
-"Aw crap." Darien, just before dream Arnaud shoots him.
-"Aw crap." Hobbes, when he hears Darien is at the hospital.
-"Aw crap." Hobbes, in his voice over at the end asking for help.
MONEY FOR NOTHING PART 2 (B version) total number = 1
-"Free of pain, giving a damn...all the crap that’s held me back for so long." Darien, on being Phase 5 QSM.
SMALL WORLD: total number = 3
-"Cut the crap, Fawkes." The Official
-"Ah crap." Darien, when he realizes the helmet is busted.
-"Ah crap." Darien, finding himself trapped in the pool room.
TOTAL NUMBER FOR SEASON 1: 85
Season 2
LEGENDS: total number = 3
-"Ah crap." Darien, finding himself hanging from a tree.
-"Ah crap Claire, here she comes what am I supposed to do?!"
Darien, as the Wendigo approaches.
-"Aw crap!" Darien, when the Wendigo arrives.
THE CAMP: total number = 1
-"...what I’ve come to know as the crapiest Agency in the intelligence world." Darien, his opinion on the Agency.
THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EBERTS: total number = 1
-"Aw crap." Darien, when he see’s Eberts tied to the chair.
JOHNNY APOCALYPSE: total number = 1
-"Aw crap" Darien, when found by Monroe.
GOING POSTAL: total number = 0
BROTHER’S KEEPER: total number = 5
-"Well you can beat around the bush, or you can cut the crap and tell me
what’s on your mind right now." Hobbes, to Darien at the cemetery.
-"Merde!" Arnaud, after breaking a mirror with his hand.
-"Aw crap!" Kevin, as he’s about to get his ass kicked by Arnaud.
-"Holy crap!" Darien, finding out the RNA transfer worked.
-"Aw crap!" Darien and Kevin together in the Pilot flashback. While
not technically in this episode, I guess it still kinda counts!
INSENSATE: total number = 5
-"Aw crap." Darien, tripping over the cart in the Mental Ward.
-"Crap!" Darien, realizing there’s nothing they can do for the
patients.
-"Aw crap." Darien, realizing Thomas is Gaither
-"Aw crap!" Darien, after being told Gaither tested the experiment
on himself.
-"You’ve gotta stop with this prisoner crap and start treating me like
an ally." Darien, to SWRB Guy.
BAD CHI: total number = 2
-"Aw crap." Darien, after hitting the swingset.
-"Aw crap." Darien, realizing Charlie wants him to kill.
FLASH TO BANG: total number = 7
-"Aw crap." Darien, realizing he has amnesia
-"Oh crap, it’s like my saying." Darien, explaining to the
doctor.
-"Aw crap." Darien, unable to remember more.
-"Aw crap." Darien, as Arnaud pulls out the guns.
-"Oh crap." Hobbes, getting knocked out by Darien.
-"Oh crap?" Darien, repeating Hobbes.
-"Merde." Arnaud, when Darien recovers his memory.
GERM THEORY: total number = 3
-"Aw crap." Darien, getting cut.
-"Oh crap!" Darien, unable to un-quicksilver his finger.
-"Aw crap." Darien, seeing all the CDC people with guns.
THE CHOICE: total number = 1
-"I feel like crap, OK?" Alex, on how she feels about giving up her son.
IMMATERIAL GIRL: total number = 3
-"Aw crap." Darien, hearing that Lucy was murdered.
-"Aw crap." Darien, realizing why Lucy was killed.
-"Oh crap." Hobbes, getting locked out.
FATHER FIGURE: total number = 4
-"Isn’t that Bureau speak for ‘we’re in a crap-load of trouble’?"
Darien, to the Official.
-"Aw crap." Darien, when the alarms go off.
-"Aw crap." Hobbes and Alex, when the alarms go off.
-"Aw crap." Darien, when he finds the bad guys wearing thermal
glasses.
SENSE OF COMMUNITY: total number = 1
-"Oh crap!" Hobbes, finding out about the particle beams.
THREE PHASES OF CLAIRE: total number = 4
-"Aw crap." Darien, when he see’s the CIA guy ready to fire.
-"Aw crap." Darien, realizing Thomas came up with Beta C.
-"Holy crap, I-Man!" Hobbes, in a wonderful parody of Batman and
Robin, when he see’s Dimitri.
-"Oh crap!" Claire, realizing it wasn’t a dream after all.
THE INVISIBLE WOMAN: total number = 2
-"Aw crap!" Darien, noticing they’re being followed.
-"Aw crap!" Darien, seeing the Chinese outside his apartment.
MERE MORTALS: total number = 2
-"Aw crap." Darien, when the fire alarm goes off.
-"Oh crap!" Darien, when Golda doesn’t start.
POSSESSED: total number = 3
-"Oh crap" "No, this is beyond crap." Hobbes then Darien,
realizing the CA is loosing its effectiveness.
-"You could be out pushing that worthless heap up junkmetal, pile of
stinking crap, insulting excuse for a van out for a servicing!" Hobbes, in
Stage 5, about the van.
ENEMY OF MY ENEMY: total number = 3
-"Yes, we know...’oh crap’." Arnaud, on what Darien is about to
say.
-"Oh crap." Darien, breaking into Chrysalis and seeing a guard.
-"Aw crap!" Darien, when his gun doesn’t fire.
THE NEW STUFF: total number = 6
-"Ah...crap."
"...crap. That’s right." Darien, then Hobbes, on seeing the corn.
-"Ah crap!" Darien, thinking he’s not getting any more
counteragent.
-"Ah crap." Darien, realizing the attack was a Chrysalis cover-up.
-"See right there, that’s a bunch of crap." Darien, on Madre not
admitting to the crime.
-"Oh crap." Darien, being followed by the Army.
Total number for season 2: 57
