MiSTing of Reunion

(Deep in the heart of snow country, a sad gathering of IManic’s are stuffed into a tiny studio apartment.)

Pensive: (walks in with her patented QSM ingredients in hand) Okay...QSM drink special for everyone! All right here...1 part tequila, 2 parts vodka, 1 part orange joice, and a splash of grenadine for that blood-red color and some flavor. Yummm...(she notices everyone is looking kinda glum) Hey, what’s wrong?

wishful: Well...as much as we love the MiSTings...

Joyce: And trust us we do...

Img: They are a TON of fun!

Armi: It’s just that...we’re back in re-run season!

Stacey: THE HIATUS!!

Everyone: ARG!!!!

Lauren: Look gang, I know the hiatus is hard. But look at it this way, this time it’s only about a month long! Last time we survived THREE!

Everyone: A WHOLE MONTH?! AARRGG!!!

Lauren: Oh for cryin’ out loud...look let’s just pop in an eppy and start riffing. That’ll cheer you up!

Joyce: What’s the victim this week?

Lauren: Well I figured since it’s re-run week, and we’re back to the MiSTings, and all the deja vu going on...we’d watch Reunion.

(Lauren passes out the popcorn, everyone settles in, and she presses PLAY)

----------------

MiSTing of Reunion (or Night Of The Living Dead, or Let’s Mess With Darien’s Head Some More OR Attack of the Flashbacks)

Our Cast Of Riffers (in the order they got their riffs in):

Lauren (AKA OboeCrazy): 3 more weeks.

Stacey (AKA R2): That’s 21 days.

wishful (AKA wishfulthinker): 504 hours.

Img (AKA Iman_girl): 30,240 minutes.

Joyce (AKA Invisible Mom): 1,814,400 seconds!

Armi (AKA Armitage): Well... 1,814,399 now...

Pensive (AKA uh...Pensive): ...98...

And so our show begins...

<Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata begins to play.>

Stacey: You know, this eppy hasn’t even technically begun yet and already I want to cry.

Lauren: Welcome to Angstville, courtesy of Beethoven.

Armi: Mood music for immortals, vampires, and invisible men.

wishful: I wouldn’t wana clean up that mess.

Lauren: I’d start to sing “Memory” from Cats, but I think I might kill someone.

Stacey: Oh man! Why is it every time we come to visit he pulls out the old photos?

Lauren: At least it’s not the slides.

Img: Since a picture is worth a thousand words, that means Darien would have...uh...(grabs a calculator)

<Darien’s voice over, “A great 20th Century philosopher named Charles Schultz once had Linus observe that ‘big sisters are the crab-grass on the lawn of life’.”>

wishful: And then you both grow up. I speak from personal experience.

Armi: And if he’d ever met my kid sister he would’ve realized that CAN go the other way.

Stacey: Hey! I resent that! I am a big sister!

Lauren: Yeah, I mean you can be mean but you’re no crab!

Stacey: (glaring at Lauren) I should whack you...

Img: This is where the TV station puts in the Weed-Be-Gone commercial.

Lauren: Is Darien gonna say “aw rats” now instead of “aw crap”?

Lauren: Uh...Darien must’ve changed a LOT from when he was a kid.

Stacey: Maybe they used a stunt double.

wishful: Yep, it’s definitely Rick Moranis. Be grateful he didn’t shrink you, Darien.

Stacey: (as young Kevin) And I’m the lawnmower!

Lauren: (as Aunt) Aw how cute...Kevin broke his brothers arm! Quick hon get a picture!

Stacey: (as Uncle) This will be perfect for when I appear on Jerry Springer.

Lauren: It’s deja vu all over again.

Pensive: For those of you who forgot Kevin’s dead and Darien’s reason for wanting Arnaud dead since the LAST 8 times this was shown...

Stacey: How many times are we gonna end up watching the Pilot?

<Darien, in the flashback, “Kevin...Kevin!!...KEVIN!!”>

Pensive: Somehow I don’t think yelling at him is gonna keep him alive.

<Darien’s phone rings suddenly.>

Everyone: GAH!

Stacey: Good gravy that sounds like my alarm clock!

Pensive: (as Darien) Not another takeout order! I just drove 5 miles downtown!

wishful: Is he just not capable of tucking his shirt in all the way or something?

<Darien, “Yeah, this is Fawkes.”>

Img: No hello? Oh no, Darien has the “Liz syndrome” too!

Stacey: (singing) I just called to say...I love you.

Lauren: (creepy voice) Do you like scary movies?

Img: Unless you’re the Keeper who pronounces it “Daharien.”

Stacey: (as Man) The one they call Furious D?

Lauren: You know, I thought we’d taken a long enough break for you to get over that joke.

wishful: (as Darien) No, actually it’s Fox Mulder. Man, why do I keep getting mixed up with this other guy. He doesn’t even work for the FBI!

Pensive: And now the cheesy mystery music ensues!

<Dr. Anthony, “This is Dr. Anthony in Concord Hospital in Cold Springs.”>

Lauren: Isn’t that the name of a Billy Joel album?

<Darien, “Oh right, yeah. Hey Dr. Anthony, how’ve you been?”>

Img: (as Dr. Anthony) Very cold!

<Dr. Anthony, “My health is not in question.”>

Stacey: (as Dr. Anthony) Can’t say the same for my acting abilities, though.

Lauren: See? This is you being mean.

<Darien, “My brother?”

Dr. Anthony, “Yea, your brother Kevin.”>

Lauren: Does Darien have any other brothers?

Stacey: Yeah, maybe you know him better as “some scientist.”

Lauren: Mean mean mean.

<Dr. Anthony, “...he’s been in an accident.”>

Stacey: I wouldn’t call being shot 5 times an accident.

Lauren: More like overkill.

Stacey: Darien is the master of understatement isn’t he? Let’s see: brother murdered, he goes mad, he’s been shot, he nearly killed his partner, he gets the crap beaten out of him, he goes blind, he gets thrown off a speeding car...

Lauren: I’d say more like things went to Hell in a handbasket.

<Claire, Eberts, and Hobbes are bent over the Official’s shoulder, reading something. They all jump back when Darien enters.>

Lauren: (as Hobbes) Quick, hide the Playboy!

<Darien’s voice over, “My problem was I had to tell lies.”>

Lauren: And we all know how bad he is at that.

wishful: If...the...of...check...

Stacey: I thought his problem was that he had a gland in his brain that didn’t belong there.

<Official, “How bad is your Aunt?”>

Stacey: (as Darien) Let’s see, she never paid attention to me as a child, enjoyed it when Kev and I fought...

Lauren: I don’t think that’s quite what he meant.

Img: (as Darien) Actually I’m the only one in my family who has a criminal record. She’s clean.

<Darien’s voice over, “Actually I haven’t talked to her in over a year.”>

Lauren: She can’t be Jewish then.

Stacey: Huh?

Lauren: Trust me, she’d be calling every other day...(in thick Jewish accent) You don’t write, you don’t call! It’s like you’ve disappeared!

<Eberts, “Medicine. Can’t live without it, can’t live with it.”>

Stacey: I thought that was either men or women.

Lauren: I think the Official is thinking the same thing.

wishful: That was definitely a “Shut up Eberts” moment.

Pensive: Can’t live without it? Um, yeah, so you’d DIE without it. But can’t live with it? *shrug*

<Official, “We rarely get requests for compassionate leave.”

Darien’s voice over, “Yea I figured...but if I told you I wanted to go look for my dead brother he’d stick me back in the padded room.”>

Lauren: I don’t think the Official needs that much incentive.

wishful: (staring accusingly at Oboe) So, have the writers been listening to you or something?

Stacey: You mean the one they end up sticking poor Hobbes in? Or Aquamana?

Lauren: Shh! (whacks Stacey with a pillow)

Stacey: Ow! What? We’ve seen all those already!

<Hobbes, “You want I should go with you?”

Darien’s voice over, “Oh yea, that’s just what I need. A nutcase on a nut mission.”>

Lauren: Gezz...did someone stick a mic in Vince’s head and forget to shut it off? It’s Internal Dialogue Theater!

Joyce: I think Darien is going to riff this episode for us.

Stacey: (singing) Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t!

Lauren: So Hobbes is an Almond Joy then?

<Keeper, “If you need me to call any doctors up there...”

Darien’s voice over, “Trust me, I won’t be calling you.”>

Stacey: See? It’s not just me being mean!

Lauren: Yeah well, at least Darien TRIES to hide it!

<Darien, “Hey, trust me. I’m calling you the second I need help.”>

Lauren: (as Darien’s voice over) ...with the gland. As for looking for Kevin...buh-bye!

Lauren: (singing) I’m leaving on a jet plane!

Stacey: But...it’s arriving.

Lauren: Oh.

Lauren: OK, so I guess we’re in Massachusetts.

Stacey: Darien doesn’t sound like he’s from around Boston.

Lauren: (in thick Boston accent) Park the car in Harvard yard?

<Dr. Anthony, looking at some x-rays, “Beats the Hell out of me.”>

Pensive: That’s the kind of medical quality I love. Remind me to entrust my health to this man.

Stacey: It’s an X-ray of a human head, does that help?

Lauren: (as Dr. Anthony) We’ll never know who the father of Scully’s child is from these!

<Dr. Anthony, “You did not hear me say that about the X-rays.”>

Stacey: (as Darien) Uh, actually yea I did. I was standing right there.

<Dr. Anthony, “Not to worry, I got him in a room down the hall.”>

Stacey: He has a dead body in the room down the hall?

<Dr. Anthony, “He’s a little older, maybe a little thinner, but it’s Kevin. Come see for yourself.”>

Stacey: We have, it’s not.

Lauren: Spoilers!

Stacey: What? Like we all haven’t griped about that a million times!

Lauren: (as Dr. Anthony) Maybe smells a bit...has some old gunshot wounds...tried to turn me into one of the undead...but it’s him!

<Darien, “So, what happened to him anyway?”>

Stacey: Did Darien sleep through the Pilot or something?

<Dr. Anthony, “Took a fall down a flight of stairs. Banged himself up pretty good.”>

Lauren: (as Kevin, old) I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!

Joyce: (as Darien) And you called me here for that? I thought he was in a car wreck or something.

Stacey: So...Kevin was the stunt guy from Frozen in Time?

Lauren: This condition is genetic with you, isn’t it?

<Dr. Anthony and Darien look in the hospital room, the bed is neatly made and empty.>

wishful: Dude, they’ve got fast maid service. I don’t think I’ve made my bed in weeks...

<Darien, “Is this the right room?”>

Stacey: (as Dr. Anthony) Yes it is...oh wait, no. This is the one from It Hurts...my bad.

Lauren: (singing) And you may say, this is not my beautiful hospital...this is not my beautiful room!

<Nurse, “But I heard him calling a cab.”>

Stacey: (as Darien) What was he calling it?

Img: Acab! Acab! Here boy!

(Stacey and Img are pelted with pillows)

Lauren: Kevin’s a cabby?

Stacey: Are we gonna see Robert DeNiro?

Lauren: If Danny DeVito shows up I am SO switching to Comedy Central.

wishful: (as Darien, muttering) This is the third cab company I’ve visited today, it’d better be the right one...

Lauren: Man, prostitutes are really forward nowadays!

Pensive: Eeewww....

Stacey: Starkle, starkle little twink...drunk I very am I think.

(everyone applauds)

Stacey: He’s getting better at that, I think.

Lauren: Must’ve been practicing.

<Darien, “Actually I am a federal agent.”

Cab Guy, “Fish and Game. Hmm...very impressive.”>

wishful: Shot DOWN!

Lauren: Hobbes’ “need to know” speech was much more impressive.

<Cab Guy, “Get it?”

Darien, “Got it.”

Cab Guy, “Good.”>

Img: (looking puzzled) Wait, get what? Can we start this scene over?

Lauren: S’alright?

Stacey: S’ok.

Lauren: S’alright.

Stacey: This sounds eerily like an old Jet Dry commercial.

Armi: Next thing you know, they’ll be arguing over weather the pellet with the poison is in the flagon with the dragon, the chalice from the palace, or the vessel with the pestle.

Lauren: Chris Farley?

Stacey: Isn’t he dead?

Stacey: (British accent) How not to be seen.

Lauren: Hey, that’s my line!

Lauren: Must be Firestone tires.

Stacey: (at the same time as Lauren) Must be Goodyear tires.

(pause)

Lauren: (looking at Stacey) Neither of us are very fond of tires, are we?

wishful: How lucky for Darien. He might have had to wait around all day for them to get a new customer.

Armi: OK who changed the channel to CBS?

Lauren: Someone call Richard Kimball, it’s the one armed man!

Stacey: You sure? It looks like he just tucked it into his pants.

Lauren: (as Driver) Last time I steal tires off an SUV!

<Driver, “I need you to help change a tire.”>

Stacey: How convenient that this cab company has a one-armed man so Darien can deflate the tires and...

Lauren: Let it go, OK?

Lauren: Thanks Jack O’Neill.

<Darien, in quicksilver vision, walks past a checkers set.>

Lauren: Hey Ralph, look! Checkers!

Img: Marymout sounds like it could be the name of some type of gum. “Marymount, leaves mouths feeling merrily clean!”

Lauren: If you’re active do you really need care?

Armi: I keep expecting to see Louise Fletcher in this scene...

<Darien, “Aunt Celia?”>

Lauren: (singing) You’re breaking my heart! You’re shakin’ my confidence baby!

<Darien, “It’s Darien.”>

wishful: She was your guardian for crying out loud, Darien! I should hope she’d recognize you without you having to remind her of your name!

<Celia, “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”>

Stacey: (as Vince) Well, I just figured you’d read about it in the script.

Lauren: (as Darien) Because the problem is I have to tell lies.

<Celia, “So you’re out.”

Darien, “Out?”>

Stacey: Outside?

Img: Out of order?

Lauren: Out numbered?

Stacey: Out gunned?

Img: Out of town?

Lauren: Why can’t these people be more specific?

wishful: (as Darien) I didn’t realize I was in.

<Celia, “From prison.”>

Lauren: (as Darien) Depends on your definition of prison.

Img: Uh-no. Bad topic, stay away.

Stacey: (as Darien) Nice to see you too Aunt Celia. Well, goodbye.

<Celia, “I don’t have to know the details...”>

Img: Good, it would have taken the entire hour to explain!

<Celia, “...just that you’re okay.”

Darien, “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m fine, Aunt Celia.”

Celia, “Good. Then that’s enough about that.”>

Stacey: Wow...must have some pretty big carpets for all the stuff she’s sweeping under it.

<Celia, “You wana move away from the window, I can’t see your face.”>

Lauren: She can’t see him if he’s backlit? What, is she a cheep camera?

<Celia, “Yes, he came in right after my nap. Such a nice surprise.”>

Stacey: Yeah, especially since he’s...oh I dunno...DEAD?!

Lauren: That would be a very bad surprise, I think.

<Celia, “Absolutely, he stood right there.” She points to the spot in front of the window.>

Lauren: (as Celia) The same place you were when I couldn’t see your face.

Stacey: Oh, just hammer home that plot point, thanks.

Stacey: Is THAT supposed to be Kevin?

Lauren: (squinting at the figure) I think so.

Stacey: *I* look more like Kevin than that guy!

Lauren: Maybe Rick Moranis was busy.

wishful: (as Darien) Why brother, what a big beard you have!

Lauren: (as “Kevin”) The better to fool you with, my dear!

<”Kevin” drops his glass on the ground, it shatters, and he runs. Darien chases him.>

Lauren: (as Darien) I’m gonna bust you for littering!

Img: Kevin ment to get soda, not water.

<”Kevin”, then Darien jump over a guy in a hammock.>

Lauren: The Fawkes brothers in the 100 meter steeple chase!

Stacey: Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack jump over...the guy in the hammock.

Lauren: Apparently the sunny weather followed Darien to Mass.

<”Kevin” runs out into the street to avoid Darien. Darien follows.>

Lauren: Did Aunt Celia forget to tell them about NOT running into traffic?

Stacey: Uh...did they think we’d fall for that?

Lauren: Looks like the stunt double from those pics sure grew up.

Img: (as Darien) Cops should never eat donuts!

Lauren: Hey, is that Val Kilmer?!

<Cop, “The only place you’re going to is jail!” He starts to handcuff Darien.>

Lauren: The Saint makes a bust!

Stacey: Or is it Batman?

Lauren: Either way I bet now Darien feels like he’s really home!

wishful: Is there something in his contract that says he has to wear handcuffs every other eppy or something?

<Darien, “Just what the Hell are you planning on charging me with? Excessive jay walking?”>

Img: (as Cop) No, disturbing the elderly. That poor man was trying to take a nap!

<Darien, “That’s very cute. Are you gonna be here all week?”>

Lauren: (as Cop) No, I gotta go film “The Saint 2”

Img: It’s called a wallet, you keep money in it.

Pensive: (as Darien) I got it out of a Cracker Jack box.

You like it?

<Cop, “Cool, I’ve never arrested a Fed before.”>

Pensive: Gezz...I bet he’s just about to crap his pants with joy.

<Sheriff, “Hey Strand, I’m gonna need some more coffee.”

Cop, “Right away.”>

Lauren: So he’s a patrol officer AND the Sheriffs gopher?

Pensive: It’s the Eberts of the PD there!

<Sheriff, “Fawkes?”

Darien, “Pizza?”>

Img: Tacos! (pause) Why are we shouting out food names?

Lauren: Did...Darien just call that guy...Pizza?!

Stacey: If his other name is ‘Hut’ I’m gonna hurl.

Armi: Either the guy’s name is Pete Zarreia or he had major zits back in high school.

wishful: Wait a second, I thought the sheriff was played by Robert Duncan McNeil...oh whoops...that was “Early Edition”...my bad.

<Pizza, “Fawkes used to ram police cars just to pop their airbags.”>

Joyce: Yeah, and that’s what he wants to be known for right at this moment.

<Pizza, “We’ll do it right after your hearing.”

Darien, suddenly depressed, “My what?”>

Lauren: Darien, you act as if you’ve never been arrested before!

Img: (shouting) Your hearing!!

Stacey: Apparently his hearing is not all that good.

Lauren: I don’t think that’s the kind of hearing he meant.

<Darien, “I don’t want anyone to think I’m getting any preferential treatment here.”

Pizza, “Eh screw ‘em. What are friends for?”>

wishful: Okay, now that is a great puppy-dog pouty look right there on VV’s face.

Lauren: Unfortunately that look doesn’t work on guys.

Pensive: Uh...prison...screw...er, did he mean that literally?

(everyone shudders)

<Pizza, “You wana use the phone to call your brother?”>

Lauren: (as Pizza) We’ve got a direct line to Heaven.

Img: No, he’d rather use his telepathic abilities.

<Pizza, “Yeah, saw him at the library.”

Darien, “That sounds about right.”>

wishful: Hey! There is nothing wrong with spending a lot of time at the library, thank you very much!

Lauren A bit defensive aren’t we?

wishful: I take my geekhood seriously.

<Pizza, “Hey man...really cool hair!”>

Joyce: Wow, men notice too?

Lauren: Oh God...that’s such an obvious set up for a Fun Bobby joke it’s not even worth it!

Pensive: Hey man, really cool beer belly. I really dig the chubby, non-stereotypical cops, you know?

wishful: Don’t make fun of the hair. Only female fans of the show can do that.

Stacey: (as Cleo) Call me now for your free tarot reading!

Lauren: So apparently operators are NOT standing by!

Stacey: You know, I’m getting a creepy ‘House on Haunted Hill’ kind of vibe here.

Lauren: So the furniture is covered and no one lives here...yet the phone still works and there are pictures out?

Pensive: Yep, Kevin’s definitely been living there!

Lauren: Thanks, Thing.

wishful: Does that mean Darien doesn’t get another phone call?

Stacey: (singing) Mem’ries...all alone in the moonlight.

Lauren: If that guy says his name is “Butch” I am SO switching to Comedy Central.

<Man, “I’m Martin.”

Darien, “Fawkes.”

Martin, “Oh...I think I’m still drunk!”>

Lauren: Oh, so it’s Martin Sheen then.

<Darien quicksilvers.

Cop, “Where is he?”

Martin, “I don’t know, he was just here a minute ago...”>

wishful: OK I saw THAT in the ‘70’s version of The Invisible Man. And no offense to VV, but at least David MacCullum has an accent.

<Martin, “Well he just disappeared!”>

Lauren: Welcome to The Invisible Man, Mr. Sheen!

<Cop, “Martin, you’ve got to give serious consideration to going on the wagon.”>

wishful: I thought resident town drunks were suppose to be older.

Stacey: Uh...they don’t lock their doors in Concord?

wishful: He’s got the MOVES! Smug little beggar innit he?

Pensive: Filmed in Heat-Sensitive Goggle-Vision!

Lauren: It’s the Jolly Green Giant! Ho ho...

Stacey: No don’t! Aw crap...

Lauren: What?

Stacey: We need to get some new jokes.

<Hobbes, “Listen, I saved your life, you saved my life...I know about your spider hangups, you know about my ex-wife...we tell each other everything.”>

Lauren: (as Darien) Hobbes, you got all your info by reading my Agency file!

<Hobbes, “So what the Hell’s going on Fawkes?”>

Stacey: (singing) We’re movin’ on up, to the Eastside to a deluxe apartment in the sky-ay-ay...

Lauren: Huh?

Stacey: What, it seemed like a reasonable response.

Lauren: No more mudslides for you!

<Darien, “Oh right.”

Hobbes, “Right.”>

Img: Left.

Lauren: So people on the street see this guy with a huge gadget on his head talking to empty air.

Stacey: Someone’s gonna call the men in white coats.

wishful: Hobbes has no idea how that thing makes him look like an idiot, does he?

<Hobbes, about Kevin, “What do you mean he’s here?”>

Pensive: Ever seen Night of the Living Dead?

<Hobbes, “Oh crap.”

Darien, “My sentiments exactly.”>

wishful: Darien really IS contagious!

Lauren: (as Darien) Stop stealing my catchphrase!

<Hobbes, “You think you saw him?”

Darien, “I saw him.”>

Lauren: The same way you saw Simon Cole?

Stacey: Ssshhh!!

<Both enter Darien’s old house.

Hobbes, “You all right?”>

Stacey: (as Darien) Actually I got this gland in my brain...

Lauren: Shh!

Stacey: Wait a second...but you just...

Lauren: Never mind.

<Darien, “Yea, it’s just been a long time, you know?”>

Lauren: I though you can never go home again.

Lauren: Dear God, someone stole the Time Life Series!!

<Young Kevin, “Just this one more experiment!”

Young Darien, “You are an experiment!”>

Lauren: Tables have turned on that little statement, eh buddy?

Stacey: Blatant foreshadowing alert!

Lauren: It would’ve been less obvious if it smacked me in the head.

Pensive: He’s having a Tyler Durden/Fight Club moment. You know, when someone hangs up on you there is no dial tone, by the way.

<They enter Darien’s old room.

Darien, “Looks like she never changed anything.”>

Lauren: Yeah, mom’s will do that. Mine’s still got my old room prepared like a shrine or something.

Stacey: She never put anything away either.

Lauren: Was this woman ever participating in the game of life?

<Hobbes, “This place is like a shrine to bad taste.”>

wishful: Well he WAS a male teenager. What else would you expect?

<Hobbes opens up the closet, “Oh there she is!”

On the door hangs a naked supermodel poster.>

wishful: Oh gawd, it’s my brother’s old room!

Lauren: (jumps up and blocks the TV) OK, this part edited for the youngin’s...

(Lauren is pelted with pillows till she sits down)

<Darien, quickly shutting the door, “Would you mind, this stuff is very personal.”>

Lauren: Then you shouldn’t have lead Bobby into your room!

<Darien, “I’m gonna go grab you a towel.”>

Img: You mean like in TOIM?!

Stacey: (fainting) <THUD!>

<Hobbes, referring the Kevin’s messed up bed, “Is there where you say ‘someone’s been sleeping in my bed’?”>

Joyce: No, I am NOT going there!

Stacey: (as Darien) Somebody’s been sleeping...

Lauren: (as Darien) No...’cause that’s Kevin’s bed.

Img: (as Darien) This isn’t whole wheat!

<Darien, “Bologna and peanut butter.”

Hobbes, looking disgusted, “Bleh.”>

Lauren: I would like to second Hobbes’ reaction! Bleh!

Armi: I’m halfway tempted to ask if you’re fanatical enough to have tried that, Stacey.

(Stacey whacks Armi with a pillow)

Img: (as Darien) Crap, Sparky got out of his cage again!

Lauren: Looks like Darien was trying to use a copy machine.

Stacey: Sshhh! That’s not till Perchance to Dream!

Joyce: (as Darien) Either Kevin has been here or I need to call The Ghostbusters.

wishful: Daaamn...

<Hobbes, “Damn!”>

wishful: Hey, I just said that!

<Hobbes, “It’s like a tornado came through here.”>

Lauren: And you’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto.

<Darien, “Yeah, my Uncle was a research doctor.”>

wishful: Oh now THAT’S handy.

Lauren: Must smell like Teen Spirit.

<Darien, “Kevin knew this place like the back of his hand.”>

Pensive: Clue number one that it’s NOT HIM!

<Picture of the Official and Uncle Peter.

Darien, “Is that who I think it is?”>

wishful: You see that picture of him with JFK probably every day, what do you think?

Joyce: Isn’t that the same shot of The Official as the one in the JFK pic?

<Darien, “What is my Uncle doing with the Official?”>

(uncomfortable silence)

Lauren: Uh...we’d rather not know anything about that little nugget.

Stacey: Can we just institute a “don’t ask, don’t tell” memorandum here?

<Dr. Anthony, “I’m afraid you don’t understand the nature of the relationship I had with your Uncle.”>

(another uncomfortable silence)

Stacey: Not touching it.

Lauren: Oh eewww...oh that’s it I am SO switching to Comedy Central!

<Dr. Anthony, “I’m not selling anything.”

Hobbes, “Except maybe a line of crap.”>

wishful: You’re stealing all of Darien’s lines!

<Darien, “Wait a minute, somebody threatened you?”>

Stacey: (as Beavis) Are you...threatening me?

<Dr. Anthony, “You don’t know what it was like back then.”>

Lauren: Ike was the president...Russians had the bomb...

Stacey: Wrong eppy.

<Hobbes, “Explain it to us.”

Dr. Anthony, “I can’t.”

Hobbes, “You mean you won’t.”

Dr. Anthony, “No I mean I can’t!”>

Lauren: (as Dr. Anthony) I wasn’t given those pages in the script.

<Dr. Anthony, “There were people who thought your Uncle was playing God.”

Darien, “What was he doing?”>

Pensive: (as Dr. Anthony) Playing God, I mean...er...

<Dr. Anthony, “Look, it wasn’t your brother I treated. I made a mistake. You should never have come here.”>

Lauren: (as Dr. Anthony) It was really Rick Moranis.

Stacey: Bit late for that, don’t you think? If memory serves, HE called Darien.

Lauren: He was pretty insistent for a mistake.

Stacey: Thought he knew them since they had moved here.

Lauren: And he IS a doctor so...

Everyone else: Let it go!

Lauren: Meanwhile back at the ranch...

<Hobbes, “If you give me a clue I could help you find what you’re looking for over there.”>

Stacey: (as Hobbes) Can I buy a vowel?

Img: He’s looking for the Parker Brothers’ phone number.

Lauren: Why does Hobbes want to play a boardgame now?

<Hobbes, “Fawkes, I know you wana believe he’s still alive.”

Darien, “I think you got that backwards my friend.”>

Lauren: No, I think Stacey does the backwards thing, right?

(Stacey whacks Lauren with a pillow)

wishful: (sighing and shaking here head in defeat) First Hobbes with the “crap”, now Darien with “my friend...they are a very bad influence on each other.

<Darien, “I think somebody’s trying to make me believe he’s dead.”>

Stacey: Pumping 5 bullets into his chest is pretty convincing if you ask me.

<Hobbes, “See now you’re gonna start talking in tongues, your eyes will roll back in your head...”>

Lauren: Wait, Darien’s gonna try to channel Kevin?

<Hobbes, “I think you’re pulling up to Paranoid Plaza my friend, and for me to believe that you gotta be nuts.”>

wishful: He has a point.

Stacey: Do they take pets?

Lauren: I want the room with a pool view.

<Darien, “So as long as he’s alive I’m on his case 24/7 to get it out.”>

Lauren: (as Darien) Well except for Christmas...and New Years...and perhaps his birthday.

<Darien, “What if I prove it.”

Hobbes, “Prove what?”>

Stacey: Existence of alien life?

Lauren: The Lochness Monster?

Stacey: That Clinton inhaled?

Lauren: Uh, Hobbes? What have we been talking about all this time?

<Darien, “There’s no middle ground on this one.”>

Img: That’s because those papers are covering the floor!

<Hobbes, “Fat man’s been real good to me.”>

Stacey: Uh...really?

Lauren: Has Hobbes been paying attention?

Stacey: Maybe it’s the meds.

<Hobbes, “Bobby Hobbes doesn’t bail on his partner!”>

Joyce: All right Little Tiger!

Lauren: That’s ‘cause you don’t have a bucket and there is no water.

Stacey: (groaning) Oh Lord...

Lauren: Come on...it’s punny!

(Stacey whacks Lauren with a pillow)

<Darien, “Give me your phone.”>

Joyce: (as Hobbes) Wait a minute...I said I don’t pail on my partner. Didn’t say anything about sharing my cell phone!

wishful: That has to be really bad lighting. VV looks like he has graying temples.