Comments: I started writing this October 2, 2000. This may be the goofiest one I've ever written...Prepare to disbelieve...

Part 1:

Darien and Hobbes were so close. Dr. Jacobs was cornered, his brand new creation, which he planned to use in his destruction of the earth, was covered in a glass globe, glowing bright blue and sucking the globe in various spots. Hobbes held the man at gunpoint, and Darien cautiously approached the blue anomaly.

"Don't touch it!" Jacobs all but screamed from his position at the corner.

"Why not?" Darien's arm quicksilvered and hovered over the glass globe. Jacobs began to panic again.

"You don't know what you're dealing with! If you release that wormhole, there's no telling what'll happen!"

"Oh really? Well, Fawkes, since you're so 'valuable,' why don't you hold Dr. Jacobs here and I'LL see what's the deal with this baby..."

Hobbes tossed Darien the gun, and he caught it with his invisible arm, quicksilver soon dusting away. Jacobs flailed his arms, and Darien raised the gun, Jacobs slowly ceased his thrashing and eyed the weapon nervously.

"Whoo! That's hot!" Hobbes sucked on his hand and grimaced.

"I told you! Don't touch it!" Jacobs was on the verge of tears.

"That's OK..." Hobbes snatched a thick glove off a nearby work bench and pulled it viciously over his burnt hand. He chuckled, and Jacobs squealed, his coke-bottle glasses falling off his nose and resting precariously on only his ears.

The globe was lifted, and Darien lowered the gun, stepping closer to Hobbes and peering into the blue light. Then they were gone.

**********************

My name is John Crichton, an astronaut...no wait. Should it be the other one? There once was a story about a man who could turn invisible. I thought it was only a story, until it happened to me...

Ah forget it.

**********************

The next thing Hobbes felt as he woke up from the entire ordeal of a LONG blue tunnel of light, was a smack to the back of the head from Darien.

"NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID!!!"

"It's your fault too, BUCKWHEAT!"

"LIKE-" Darien was cut off by the approach of a little yellow robot, it's eyestalks swaying back and forth.

"Where are we?" both men questioned the air.

Darien stood up and helped Hobbes to his feet, curiously glancing at the little yellow intruder.

An image of a large-headed creature popped up in a clamshell-like port next to Hobbes head.

"Peacekeepers? How did you get on board Moya?"

"What the...?" Hobbes stared at the image of Pilot, confusion written all over his face. Darien ignored him.

"What are 'Peacekeepers'?" his brown eyes were wide and totally innocent looking.

"You can understand it? Why can't I understand it? What's so special about you that you can understand it?" Hobbes' brow creased in more confusion, and he was brought out of his thoughts with a sharp pain in his foot. He looked down to see the DRD holding a needle, and shrieked.

"Good Lord, what did that thing put in me???"

"Translator microbes. They'll colonize on the base of you brain and translate all languages for you. Now, who are you, and where did you come from, and how did you get on Moya?"

"Aw great. Now I've got creatures in my brain too Fawkes."

"It's not a 'creature,' Hobbes. It's a gland."

Pilot cleared his throat in a very human-like manner.

"OH! Well, My name is Darien Fawkes(they call me Furious D), this is Bobby Hobbes, and we're from San Diego, and I don't have a clue how we go here..."

Pilot was interrupted by another voice, female.

"Pilot! What the frell is going on?"

"We have intruders down in the mess. I'd bring Crichton if I were you, Aeryn Sun."

"On my way."

**********************

John, at the moment, was trying to activate long-range communication on the Farscape module. His comm interrupted him.

"Yeah?"

"John, Pilot wants you to come with me to the mess. We have 'visitors,'" Aeryn sounded out of breath, *she must be running.*

"OK, Aeryn. I'm on my way."

John dropped his tools and stood up from his position under the module. He bent over again and picked up the pulse gun that happened to have been resting under the module with him. *Always better to be prepared...*

**********************

Aeryn walked stealthily into the mess, pulse rifle drawn, and a tough I'll-kick-your-butt-if-you-so-much-as-say-my-name-wrong look on her face. A rustling sound caught in her ears, and she brought the rifle up higher.

"Come out and I won't shoot!"

She jerked to a tap on her shoulder, and whirled with her pulse rifle, aiming it at the intruder. It was only John.

"Don't do that to me!" Aeryn lowered the rifle a bit and returned her attention to the mess.

"I swear I'll shoot if you don't show yourselves NOW!"

I hand popped up from behind a corner, followed by another one.

"All right. Now come out!" John raised his pulse gun just in case they WERE Peacekeepers.

The first one was definitely NOT a PK. He was semi-short, balding, and wore cotton, NOT leather. But the second man was something else. He WAS wearing leather, but it was just a jacket, and he wore adidas superstar tennis shoes.

*adidas...?* John lowered the pulse gun and stared at Darien.

"You from earth?"

"Where else would we be from?" Darien smiled.

The pulse gun clattered to the ground, and Aeryn looked at John, perplexed.

John shook himself back to reality and punched his comm.

"Pilot, get everyone down here. We've got two earthlings on board."

**********************

"So you're both from San Diego?" John smiled.

"Yeah. But If you wanna know my life story, you're gonna hafta ask nicely." Darien smiled back, and Aeryn shook her head.

"Two more of you, Crichton. I don't think I'll be able to stand this."

Just before Hobbes was going to ask her something, Ka D'Argo entered the mess. "What's this about two earthlings on Moya?"

Darien squealed and quicksilvered, fear making the gland react.

"Whoah. That's definitely NOT a human trait..." John stepped back from the table, Aeryn's arm shot out for her pulse rifle, D'Argo pulled out his Qualta Blade, and Hobbes waved his arm in the air, eventually meeting with a cold surface known as Darien.

"Come on buddy. You know we don't have Keep with us, and that means, no counteragent. I don't think you wanna end up insane in the middle of nowhere..." Hobbes patted what he thought was Darien's back, and tried to coax him out of invisibility.

"I don't want to. I'm VERY freaked out."

"DO IT! I don't want you to end up loony beyond return!"

Darien sighed hard and released control on the quicksilver. It fell all over the floor and some of it tickled Aeryn's nose.

D'Argo smiled. "Did I frighten you?"

"Just a little."

**********************

"So not all humans look like you, huh Crichton?" Chiana (who had arrived well AFTER the disappearing incident, and no one bothered to tell her about it) tilted her white head at him.

"No, Chiana."

"I wonder what they think of us..."

"I dunno Pip."

"Maybe I should go talk to them..."

"You do that."

Chiana stood up from her seat next to John and smiled pleasantly. Darien and Hobbes were busy trying to sort some business out-most likely a human thing.

"Hello! My name is Chiana, and I'd like to welcome you to Moya!" she held her hand out for Darien, who's back was to her. He turned around and looked down at her.

"Hi, I'm Darien, and this is Bobby. Nice to meet you Chiana."

She tilted her head again. *What a wonderful voice! And that body! * Zhaan interrupted her thoughts.

"Chiana, dear, might I have a minute alone with our new guests?" her blue eyes flashed, and the girl nodded, leaving, but only to come back and hide close enough to hear but not to be seen.

"I am Pa'u Zhotoh Zhaan, it's a pleasure to meet you Darien, Bobby."

Both men nodded, curiously silent. *Must be shock...*

"Is there anything you need? I'm sure we can help you both."

"Actually, yes." Darien held a finger in the air. "But you'll never find out the components..."

"Well, that depends on what you're talking about," Zhaan smiled at him.

"It's a counteragent that lowers a hormone in my bloodstream so I won't go insane. I have no idea what it's made up of, and I need it soon," Darien held up his wrist and pulled the watch down, revealing a almost fully red tattoo.

*Counteragent? Did I miss something? * Chiana thought.

Zhaan nodded. "I'm sure if you still have some of this counteragent in your bloodstream, I can find out what it's made of and replicate it."

"Really?"

"Really."

**********************

"So...I heard you're some kind of soldier. Am I right?" Hobbes put on his best impress-the-women face and leaned toward Aeryn.

"You're correct."

"Hmm...I used to be a military man. But now I work for a secret agency."

Aeryn ignored him and began checking over her pulse rifle, being sure to let him see she knew how to handle it. He took the omen and backed away from her, upper lip twitching.

**********************

"...so you're sure it'll work?" Darien looked to Zhaan.

"As sure as I'll ever be. Ready?"

"Ready. Stick me and get it over with."

Chiana hovered near the doorway, curious eyes watching Darien's every reaction. Zhaan brought the needle up, making sure the amount was correct, and she quickly jabbed Darien's arm. He winced, jerked a little, and vigorously rubbed his arm after Zhaan pulled the needle out. He pushed his watch out of the way of the tattoo and noticed the nice shade of green it was.

"Hah! It worked!" He smiled at Zhaan and shook her blue hand.

"Thanks, Blue. I owe ya my sanity."

Zhaan smiled graciously and nodded, but her brow furrowed slightly at the 'sanity' part.

Walking out of the infirmary, Darien ran smack into the Nebari girl who still had her ear pressed to the door.

"I'm SOO sorry! I didn't mean to do that! Please don't hurt me!"

"Whoah whoah whoah whoah whoah whoah! I won't hurt you! It was an accident OK?" He rested a hand on her shoulder.

Chiana nodded, but growled when she saw Rygel hovering behind Darien, eyeing the man's shoes.

"Rygel! Don't even think of snurching anything of Darien's!" she walked around Darien and stood in front of the dwarfed royal. She flicked his tiny nose and glared at him.

"I was simply admiring his taste!"

"Like dren you were! How would you like it if HE snurched something of yours?" she turned to wave her arm at Darien, and she noticed a smile spreading across the human's face. Rygel huffed and floated away, Darien waved for her to come closer, and she obliged.

"I used to be a thief. And now, if you got a problem with frog-boy over there, I can scare him so silly that he'll never bother anyone again," he whispered.

"YOU'RE JOKING!" Chiana yelled, and Darien clamped a hand over her mouth. "You're joking!" she repeated, but lowered to a whisper.

"Nope. We just need to plan a good enough prank."

"Well, I think we should let everyone else in, just so that the plan won't be frelled."

"Right, whatever you just said. Where WON'T he go?" Darien looped an arm around her waist, and they walked down Moya's hallway. Chiana's face turned sour.

"Oog. That could be a problem..."

**********************

...The washroom(the only place Rygel wouldn't think of going to)...

"So we're going to 'pull a prank' on Rygel? What does that mean?" Aeryn blinked a few times and looked from human to human to human.

"It's a joke, but a little more vicious," John leaned forward, closing the space between them. "Ah. I see." Aeryn scooted even closer.

The whole crew (minus Rygel of course, since he wasn't there because he was getting the prank pulled on him) cleared their throats rather loudly, and the two separated in space.

"So what is it going to be? The 'prank' I mean," Chiana had that curious look again.

Darien happily rubbed his hands together. "I'm gonna freak him out SO much he'll never think of doing anything bad again."

"HOW?" Chiana desperately wished she knew what was so special about him-besides his hair, his body, his voice, his eyes, his charming smile, his quick wit, his...

"Simple. I'll follow him almost every day and move things, whisper freaky things, act like a ghost..."

"But how can you do that? He'd see you!"

Darien's beautiful smile grew, and she immediately forgot what her thoughts were. "You don't know, do you?"

"Uhhh...no, what don't I know?"

"I...can...turn..." he raised his heartbeat and vanished via quicksilver, "...invisible!"

"Stop showin off, Fawkes," that's when Hobbes began to wave his arm through the air, meeting solidly with a cold Darien.

"I'm not showing off!" he shed the quicksilver, most of it landing in Chiana's hair. "I'm just de-mon-stra-ting my a-bility."

Chiana dusted off her head and scooped up the flakes off the floor, studying them thoughtfully. The others in the room blinked and glanced at John.

"WHAT? Don't look at me! It's his idea!"

"No! We all think it's a great idea considering that slug never gets what he deserves...We just want to know how Rygel's supposed to react to this..." Aeryn spoke up.

"Paranoia," Hobbes nodded. "Works like a charm."

"Speaking from experience?" John asked.

Hobbes cleared his throat and glared at the younger human. "Better watch it, Buckwheat."

John shook his head and stuck his tongue in his cheek, fighting a grin, and Darien tried to get Chiana to stop staring at him.

D'Argo growled a little, and Darien decided to explain a little more.

"Well, to start off, where's his room?"

**********************

Rygel, unsuspecting anything out of the ordinary while entering his 'chambers', completely ignored the fact that a painting of himself was now on the floor, a black, markered in mustache and devil horns adorning his face. He nonchalantly went about his business, only to come back to the painting, glance at it, and do a double take. That's when he screamed and expelled helium as it danced in the air before him. He quickly floated out of his quarters, still screaming his tiny Hynerian lungs out, running smack into Zhaan who had come, "concerned" for his well-being.

"WHAT THE YOTZ IS GOING ON IN THERE?!!"

"Rygel, calm down! What are you screaming about?"

"The frelling painting of me has been DEFACED! And it was floating around the room LAUGHING!" his voice was still high-pitched, and Zhaan was trying with all her might to keep from chuckling.

"How could a painting float, Rygel?"

He seemed to be at a loss for words (a huge surprise), and couldn't say anything else accept that he would not stay in his quarters that night.

**********************

"Hey, Pip!" John raced to catch the young Nebari girl who was walking slowly down the corridor.

"What?" Chiana turned to face him, and he skid to a halt in front of her.

"I need to ask you something."

She thought a moment on the correct term he would use if the situation were reversed, and it came to her. "Shoot."

He smiled at that, then got more serious. "What's your opinion on our new friend Darien?"

Chiana's head swam. *What do I think? What kind of question is that? I think he's handsome, funny, handsome, sweet, handsome...Oh frell! What am I doing? D'Argo will be so MAD if he finds this out! *

John waved a hand before her eyes and shrugged. "I thought that'd get that reaction out of you..."

Her grey cheeks reddened, and she burst into a full run away from John.

Part 2:

Rygel didn't know what to think anymore. Everywhere he'd go, there would be a faint whisper of footsteps and of a voice from behind him. He was definitely getting paranoid.

"...watch out for the dark-haired one..." the voice called out.

Rygel jumped. Dark-haired one? That could only mean Aeryn. Or did the voice mean John? Rygel fretted again, zipping around Moya mindlessly on the little throne-sled he used. When he came across John wandering around as well, he immediately floated to the opposite side of the corridor. John would raise a quizzical eyebrow, and smother a stubborn smile with his hand. This was getting too good.

**********************

Aeryn was actually getting used to the human called 'Hobbes'. As a matter of fact, she liked him. He was a nice being to have around sometimes.

"Hand me that," she thought for a second from inside her prowler *where is it? *, "-that tool in the top half of the box that looks like a knife."

Hobbes rummaged around and yanked out something he'd probably never learn the name of and handed it to her. Zhaan glided into the hanger and greeted them both.

"So Zhaan," Aeryn slid out of the cockpit and greeted her back, "How goes the 'pranking'?"

Zhaan gave a very un-Pa'u-like snort and smile. "Darien is driving him insane. Rygel won't even go a metra near John or you."

Aeryn beamed. "That's the best news I've heard in a while!"

Hobbes shook his head. "What's so bad about the little frog dude that you want Darien to mess with im?"

Aeryn and Zhaan blinked at that statement. "What did you just say?"

"I said, what's so bad about the-the-the-uh, Rygel that you got Darien messing with his head?"

"How could he mess with his head? Can Darien actually take Rygel's head OFF?" Aeryn wiped her hands free of grease and tilted her head at Hobbes, her raven ponytail sliding across her neck.

"I MEAN-disturb his psychological mind with paranormal events!" he jumped up and down a little for frustrated emphasis.

"Oh!" both females nodded.

"Well, Rygel is a pest. His point in life is to annoy and aggravate us." Aeryn tossed the rag in a canister and began walking to the mess hall.

"Oh!" Hobbes half-mocked.

**********************

Chiana huddled quietly in an access shaft. *No one will ever find me again. * She shook her head. *That's a childish thought. I need to face the things that bother me. Or whatever...* She sighed, and a soft 'ping-ping-ping' caught in her sensitive ears. She jumped a little, and banged her head when she tried to stand in the cramped shaft.

"FRELL!" Chiana immediately regretted saying that, clamping her hands over her mouth. She bit her lip and wished whatever it was, it wasn't Darien.

It was. His perfect head popped into her line of vision at the opposite end of the shaft, and he tried to squeeze in. *Please don't let him fit, PLEASE don't let him fit!*

He did. *Frell! Nothing EVER goes my way!* She removed her hands from her mouth, still biting her lower lip.

"Hey, Chi!" he gave up slouching and sat Indian-style on the floor of the shaft.

"Hey." She sat down as well, knees brought up to her chest, and arms wrapped tightly around them.

"Uh oh. What's wrong?"

*Dren! How do humans do this? Are they psychic or something?* "Oh, nothing."

He titled his chin up at her. "I think you're lying."

Chiana sighed and gave up. "What is the phrase you humans use? I think it's 'I'm falling for you'. Is that right?" she desperately wished that didn't sound so lame, and that the reddened shade in her cheeks would go away.

He seemed pleased, his angelic smile returning to grace her with its presence again. "Really? Well, I gotta say this then: I like you too."

Chiana's heart lifted a full metra past her head, and she felt the need to breathe. Finally, her lungs responded, and she took a short breath in. Darien's smile grew wider, and she lost the breath again. He laughed and patted her back. "You can breathe still, right?"

"D'Argo's gonna go farbot."

"How's that?"

"If he finds out I said that, he'll go into the Hyper-rage."

An invisible question mark seemed to appear on his forehead, and she explained his Luxan version of what Crichton called, 'extreme male PMS'.

Darien laughed, and Chiana's face grew deadly serious. She explained it into more detail, and he shuddered. Another pinging sound at the opposite end of the tunnel caused Darien to vanish, and Rygel, floated in, looking around for possible dark-haired beings lurking around.

"Rygel! What are you doing down here?"

He jumped a little at her voice, then settled down a bit.

"I just thought this would be the safest place to hide from that voice."

That was where Darien got the thought to freak the little frog-thing out some more.

"You think you can hide form me!?" he hissed. Rygel jumped again and moaned in fear.

"N-no! GO AWAY! LEAVE ME IN PEACE!"

Chiana stifled a laugh and turned serious again. "Who are you talking to Rygel?"

"THEM! IT! WHATEVER THE FRELL IT IS!! MAKE IT STOP!! I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU ASK ME TO IF YOU JUST MAKE IT STOP!!!!" he frantically waved his hand in the direction of Darien's voice.

"Alright, Rygel! I'll tell 'it' to leave you alone," she turned to the air behind her. "Leave Rygel alone now!"

"What if I don't want to?" the voice was closer, right next to her ear, and she could feel Darien's words blow across her neck. She barely ignored it(but internally laughing giddily at the fact that he was THAT close to her), shrugging and almost laughing out loud at the frightened little look on Rygel's face.

"Now about what I want...I want you to clean out all our laundry for the next week or so, by HAND."

"Oh no..." he whimpered, floating solemnly out the shaft, tears starting to roll down his wrinkly cheeks. Chiana was startled at the strange feeling of remorse in her. Darien reappeared next to her and his face scrunched up in his own odd thoughts of regret.

**********************

Rygel was terrified. Rushing around everywhere in his little thronesled, avoiding everyone he could. Not only was someone or something torturing him, but it seemed that the others were somehow behind it. He looked over his shoulder again, worried sick from the footsteps that seemed to follow him, but weren't seen. He kicked the floating throne into overdrive and speed down the corridor.

**********************

Darien didn't like that feeling in the back of his head. The faint, yet sharp, pounding that accompanied the oncoming madness. *Better get to the bald blue one...*

He rushed down the opposite end of the corridor from Rygel, and shed the quicksilver while sliding around the corner, checking his tattoo which was one section away from red, and running into the very Delvian he was searching for. He practically knocked Zhaan over, but he fell over himself in extreme pain.

"Darien? What's wrong?"

He faintly heard her words through the haze of pain enveloping him.

"...con-trol..." he whispered.

"Darien?" her voice was almost fully muted to him. He stood, all control he had before now lost, and lifted his head at her. Red eyes bore into crystal-clear blue, and she stifled a small cry of shock.

"Oh my-" she was cut off by his short, yet violent outburst, ending with Zhaan lying slumped against Moya's warm walls.

Part 3:

Hobbes was worried. Disregarding the fact that he was stranded in who-knows-where with a bunch of aliens and no way back, he was worried that he hadn't heard from Darien for the past two hours-or "arns" as everyone on the ship called them. He sniffed and walked in a rather hurried pace around the corner, to see an unconscious Zhaan sprawled out on the floor. He ran to her, wondering if aliens had their pulse in the same place humans did, but was denied the chance to look for one when she sat herself up, rubbing the back of her blue head.

"What happened?" Hobbes helped her stand, a little worried that it may have something to do with Darien.

"Darien has the madness-"

He cut her off, cursing. "Why didn't anyone check his tattoo? Where's that counteragent you made for him?"

Zhaan sighed. "It's in the sickbay. He told me to keep it cold, so-"

She turned to look at him, but he was gone.

"Humans are so odd..."

**********************

"Daa-rienn..." Hobbes yanked out his concealed handgun and turned into the sickbay, sounds of someone rummaging through containers caught his ears.

He spun, gun raised, as well as the hairs on the back of his neck. He didn't see anyone.

"Darien, I know you're in here. I can tell it's you, cuz no one else makes that much noise when looking for something..."

Hobbes heard the familiar sound that was similar to the dropping of small shards of glass on the ground, and his eyes searched the room frantically. They fell on the figure of a disheveled Darien, eyes reddened, and hands wrapped protectively around a vial of a familiar looking blue liquid.

Feeling the presence of someone behind him, Hobbes turned his head halfway to see who it was through the corner of his eye. The whole crew stood there (well, all but Rygel), hands on weapons and eyes seeking to kill.

Darien stood up all the way and in an almost Chiana-like manner, tilted his head to perceive who was around him. Zhaan-the only being unarmed-stepped forward and offered her hands to him. He looked deep in her eyes again, no fear at all in them, but rather a pitied, angry, frustrated gaze. He didn't take her hands. He did, however, clench his fist tighter around the vial of counteragent, curl his lip, and paste an evil grin on his face, insanity shining clearly in his eyes. Chiana visibly shivered.

"That's what he looks like when he's insane..."

"He can also still hear you," Darien opened his mouth slightly and glared at her, his knuckles were now white around the vial.

Aeryn stepped boldly forward, pulse rifle aimed directly at his skull.

"I'm told you humans actually have a brain up there. If you don't harm anyone, I won't permanently attach it to the ceiling."

Darien's nose wrinkled and he pursed his lips. A low growl was forming in his throat, and Hobbes stiffened.

"Now you done it-"

Darien seemed to fly through midair, landing on Aeryn and latching unfeeling hands around her throat, the vial skittering across the floor. He was surprisingly too strong for her. D'Argo tried to pull him off her, but the human was even too strong for him. Fed up, Hobbes raised his 9 mil and did the unthinkable to his own partner. He shot him in the calf.

Pain rippled through Darien like a thousand pulsating waves, causing him to gasp and let go of Aeryn. She flipped him over and started to bring her hands down on his throat when she noticed the look of shock crossing his brow. Zhaan quickly began to heal while Aeryn stepped off of him. Blood from his leg was slick on the floor, and she wondered what kind of weapon could have done that to him.

Hobbes re-holstered his gun and stepped over to Zhaan, examining his leg while she shoved the needle filled with counteragent in his arm. The bullet wound wasn't very large, but it was already inflamed. As if by instinct, quicksilver coated the wound and froze it, and Hobbes found the bullet in Darien's pant leg. It went clear through him. Shaken, the crew minus Chiana and Zhaan left sickbay and headed off to wherever. Darien, surprisingly, was awake.

"Hobbes?"

"Yeah buddy?"

"Remind me to kill you when we get back."

"Uh...sure..."

"Get back? Wait, you're going back? How?" Chiana was hesitant to touch him, as he was cringing at every touch of Zhaan's.

"I dunno, maybe if I think about it hard enough, another one'll appEAR," he jumped a little as Zhaan poked the now frozen wound.

Chiana was troubled. "But I don't want you to leave."

He turned his head to look into her grey eyes. "You know we humans are just burdens to you."

She shook her head. "You're not a burden to me..."

Hobbes grunted, waved, and left, and Zhaan told Darien he'd be fine in half an arn. Chiana laughed nervously.

"Uh, you aren't still a little farbot, are you?"

His brow furrowed. "What DOES that mean?"

To read the rest of this exciting story, please click continue.