Author: AkaiHato

But now, without any further ado: somewhere between a filk and a fanfic ...

If he could have, Darien Fawkes would have been reading top secret papers, the ones that he was sure his Keeper withheld from him because they contained useful information. But as it was, he didn't feel like reaching inside the terrarium to punch the button that would allow him to get the papers inside a hidden drawer, mostly since the button was hidden under a rock that a venomous coral snake was now peacefully napping on. Well, actually, it was a not-so-venomous king snake.... but the Keeper had long since gotten wind that Darien had been poking around in her lab, so the drawer might have not contained anything anyway.

"Besides," he told himself, "I'm finally getting on good terms with her. Catching me trying to snurch files isn't gonna help... Especially before she gives me a shot." Having said that, he sat in a nearby chair and idly watched the pirana, tapping at their tank occasionally.

After half a minute, he was back to looking for documents.

It wasn't that he really expected to find something. It was just that, with the last few cases being uneventful and routine actually starting to saturate, Darien was really beginning to miss the thrill of gambling with luck and skill. Or being a thief, whichever way sounded better.

Having searched for a while now, Darien took a moment's break to review his situation again. He glanced at his watch, wondering where the Keeper was. Then he noticed a fascinating machine on the far desk in the next room: a sleek, bowling ball sized silver-ebony object with a strange metal netting, curious indentations, some lights and several buttons, as well a thin silver rod extending from the top.

It turned out to be a radio. Darien... wasn't too surprised at this. He had never seen a radio that looked anything like it, of course, but he wasn't too surprised at that either. As he messed with the settings, he came upon what was clearly the opening chords to a song. A familiar one, too. "Kryptonite," by 3 Doors Down, if Darien remembered correctly. In fact, he realized he really like this song, to the point that he began humming, then singing with it. Interestingly enough, wether it was a set of Freudian slips or conscious alterations or both was unknown, but his lyrics weren't exactly accurate.

"I took a walk around the lab to ease my troubled mind... I left my sanity lying somewhere in the sands of time..."

Darien began to get into the song, and by the time he reached, "..As long as you'll be my friend at the end.." he had grabbed the nearest thing, incidentally a flashlight, as a makeshift microphone and was now, well, jamming.

"If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman! If I'm alive and well will you still be there holding my hand.. I'll keep you by my side with my superhuman ..might- Kryptonite!"

"You called me strong, you called me weak, but still your secrets I will keep.. You took for granted ALL the times I never let you down.." Darien, for some reason, chose to put particular emphasis on this part.

"...If I go crazy then will you still me Darien..! If I'm alive and well, will you be there holding my hand... I'll keep you by my side with my superhuman..." Here Darien paused for a moment, arm with flashlight raised dramatically in the air, then went, "..might- Quicksilver!"

By then, Darien's lyrics were beginning to drift off again, and by the following repetition of that set of lyrics, Darien was jamming all over the place and singing something like,

"....If I go crazy then will you still call me Darien..!... If I'm alive and well, will you be there to try your hand... I'll keep you on your toes with my superhuman...light- Qui'silva' right!"

The song went on for another repetition of the stanza, in which Darien sang the 2nd rather then 3rd version, seeming to prefer the former over the latter. Then the song started abruptly dwindling after some more guitar and some "Whoa..whoa..whoaaa"s.

In was on the last whoa that Darien, makeshift mike in hand, spun around to the glass-wall entrance way, came face to face with Hobbes and the Keeper, and froze.

Claire had actually come in around the first "If I go crazy.." stanza but had gone unnoticed, as did Hobbes, who had wandered in time to catch Darien jamming the last stanza of the song. They were able to get away with this because of the voulme of the song being played, the fact that the lab entrance was in a connected but in a different room, and mostly because Darien was too intent on singing -if it could be called that by now- and jumping around and occasionally playing air guitar and possibly even dancing.

Later, the Keeper realized that she should have taken notes so she could analyze and understand more of Darien's psyche, but for the moment she had been taken too much by surprise to do anything but watch. Hobbes, on the other hand, had not only watched, but nearly made a terrarium fall over when he backed into it in surprise.

Claire had her mouth slightly agape, and looked like she was about to say something but didn't know what, as the last notes of the song faded away. Darien finally lowered his hand, and he seemed to notice, for the first time, that he was holding a flashlight in it.

The oddly light-hearted melody and lyrics of Barenaked Ladies' "Pinch Me" began to play in the back of the room. "It's the perfect time of year... somewhere far away from here.. I feel fine enough, I guess.. Considering everything's a mess...."

Trying to appear as though holding a flashlight to one's mouth was a very normal thing to do, Darien gave Hobbes and Claire a innocent, questioning look, as if asking wether there was anything out of the ordinary that was bothering them.

Hobbes cleared his throat and looked away, his face beginning to screw up with mirth. It looked like mere moments until he would explode with laughter.

The Keeper looked very... interesting.

Darien, glancing at his flashlight again, began to acquire a look of despair.

Meanwhile, "Pinch Me" would continue to play cheerily in the background for a while, as no one's mind was on turning off the radio. "..Pinch me.. pinch me.. cause I'm still.. asleep.... Please God, tell me, that I'm still asleep..."

-The End-

Bonus: For Your Curiosity...
"Kryptonite" by 3 Doors Down
I took a walk around the world to
ease my troubled mind
I left my body lying somewhere
in the sands of time
I watched the world float to the dark
side of the moon
I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah
I watched the world float to the
dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be somethingto do with you
I don't really mind what happens now and then
As long as you'll be my friend at the end
If I go crazy then will you still
call me Superman
If I'm alive and well, will you be
there holding my hand
I'll keep you be my side with
my superhuman might
Kryptonite
You called my strong, you called my weak,
but still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times I
never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head, if
not for me then you would be dead
I picked you up and put you back
on solid ground
*If I go crazy then will you still
call me Superman
If I'm alive and well, will you be
there holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side with my
superhuman might
Kryptonite

*repeat 3 more times