Author: Sally Wiget

Spoilers: Um…pilot, I guess, maybe "Reunion"…but not really.

"Christmas. It's a kid's holiday, isn't it? Just living for the presents. Loses something when you grow up, I think. It doesn't mean anything anymore. Not to me.

"But we had fun back then, didn't we? We always woke each other up at five in the morning, just to go and look at the tree and presents. Remember that? They always managed to get you just what you wanted, didn't they? But they never knew what I wanted for Christmas. I never knew what I wanted.

"I remember-do you remember?-the tree. The lights, all the different colors in the darkness. And it was always so silent in the house. Never any noises at all. Like it was supposed to be in church, or the library, you know? You always fell asleep on the couch after we shook all the boxes with our names on them. Every year you fell asleep! I didn't. I couldn't; I was too excited. Funny that, isn't it, now that I think about it…I mean, I never was expecting anything. I never knew what I wanted; how could I expect anything? Why should I be excited then? But maybe that was why-any present I got really would be a surprise. Unlike you. You always knew exactly what you wanted, and you always got it.

"Lucky you, huh? Yeah. Lucky you.

"But it just stopped being exciting when we grew up, didn't it? When we were teens. You had stuff to do, always stuff to do that was too damned important to you for your own good. Me, I…I just didn't care about the presents and the tree and the lights and the five a.m. silences anymore. I had other stuff to do, too, I guess. I wonder if we hurt them? Was Christmas really important to them, d'you think? I don't remember…

"And then we finally moved away from each other, and we hardly ever met…when was the last time I actually celebrated Christmas? When was the last time Christmas had any meaning to it? When was the last time we woke up at five a.m., excited for the morning? When did I last spend Christmas with you?

"I'm sorry we didn't stay in better touch. I would have liked to have spent Christmas with you this year. You know, the big fancy dinner and the presents…and the companionship…we could've talked. Gotten drunk together. Laughed and remembered. You know, the sentimental family Christmas crap.

"I guess this is all we'll get though. I'm sorry. It's not the same. I wish I could really talk to you now, have you answer me. I hope you have a merry Christmas wherever you are, Kevin. I love you."

Darien Fawkes dropped a white rose on his brother's grave and walked away.