INT. MOVIE THEATRE - DAY

A nearly empty movie theatre. The movie drones on (probably

Battlefield:Earth) as a few disinterested patrons are either

sleeping or eating stale popcorn.

An odd little man enters from the back. CORBY is 35, with long

hair, thick glass, and is your classic nerd. He scans the

theatre nervously before taking a seat in the back row. He

waits, anxiously munching popcorn.

Another gentleman enters and walks to the back row. MR. APHID

(if that's his real name) is about 40, big, burly, and dressed

in black. He sits next to Corby but does not look or acknowledge

him. DARIEN V.O.s...

DARIEN (V.O.)

You remember that song "Games

people play"? Well, I hated it.

It was one of those annoying songs

that got into your head so much

that you finally had to figure out

exactly what the hell they were

talking about.

Mr. Aphid talks to Corby, but does not look at him.

MR. APHID

We're you followed?

CORBY

Hmn? Oh, no. Absolutely not.

I'm very sure.

MR. APHID

I tailed you from the moment you

left the office nineteen minutes

ago.

CORBY

You did? Wow, I didn't even see

you?

MR. APHID

Exactly my point, idiot. Be more

careful or be prepared to go to

jail.

Corby looks down at his popcorn in shame.

DARIEN (V.O.)

My quest to investigate the origins

of that musical ditty led me to a

book of the same name.

MR. APHID

Is everything ready?

CORBY

I've deactivated the security

protocols for the inventory

programs. They won't run

diagnostics for two full days.

MR. APHID

Excellent...

DARIEN (V.O.)

The shrink who wrote that book

never mentioned the song. But he

did say that "Games are a

compromise between intimacy and

keeping intimacy away"

CORBY

So when do we tell Hobbes and

Fawkes the plan?

MR. APHID

Tonight. At dinner I'll fill

Darien and the little 'ferret' in.

Next to them a stifled SNICKER is heard. They both turn to see

that no one is there.

CORBY

What was that?

MR. APHID

(Looking hard before

answering)

Nothing. Probably the movie.

We'll tell them tonight and let

them do the rest. By this time

tomorrow, we'll be able to buy our

own movie theatres.

DARIEN

Of course, where intimacy was

concerned, three was always a

crowd...

CAMERA focuses on the theatre seats as they stand. We watch as

the imprints from their butt cheeks slowly fade from the thick

leather movie seats. We then notice that a third seat next to

them still has an imprint in it. After a moment we hear the

seat creak and the butt imprint also fade.

EXT. AGENCY VAN - STREET CORNER - DAY

The passenger side door opens by itself and then closes.

INT. AGENCY VAN - CONTINUOUS

We find a slightly miffed BOBBY HOBBES. He removes the

earpiece from his left ear and shuts off the tape recorder as

Darien appears in the passenger seat. Darien has a wicked smile

on his face as he pulls up his shirt to check the WIRE taped to

his chest.

Hobbes starts the van indignantly. Darien continues to smile at

him. Hobbes doesn't look at him.

HOBBES

You start in on the 'ferret' thing,

I swear I'll put a cap in you.

DARIEN

Come'on Hobbes, you knew that was

coming. He so doesn't like you.

You have got to loosen up.

HOBBES

It's part of my cover. If they

don't respect you they're less

likely to be suspicious. That's

standard FBI tactics. You clear on

the game plan for dinner?

DARIEN

Crystal, partner. No sweat.

HOBBES

Don't be so smug. This is a sting

operation, 'partner'. No quickie

goo to save you. It's just you and

me playing bad guys to catch the

bad guys. Copy?

Darien just stares at him, not letting the 'ferret thing' go.

Hobbes shakes his head and checks a map.

Something very odd begins happening to Darien. From out of the

blue, his body stiffens! His face becomes blank and his eyes

roll to the back of the head. He is tense for a full moment

before he is released just as quickly. Hobbes only catches the

very end of Darien's episode.

HOBBES (CONT'D)

What's a matter with you?

Darien struggles to recover.

HOBBES (CONT'D)

Darien, you alright?

Darien composes himself, but is a little unsure of what just

occurred.

DARIEN

I don't know. I just seized up

like something had me and...

HOBBES

You need the Keeper? Do I need to

call this off?

Darien shakes him off.

DARIEN

I'm fine.

HOBBES

(beat)

You sure?

DARIEN

Just drive, I'm fine.

Hobbes shrugs and puts the car into gear. Darien is still not

sure what just happened.

EXT. SOMEWHERE NEARBY - DAY

Mounted on the side of a building, we see a small jet-black

satellite disk that is pointed in Darien's direction. It's red

power light blinks menacingly.

End of Teaser

ACT ONE

INT. CHA-CHA'S RESTURANT - NIGHT

The sound of canned Mariachi music is heard as a deep BELLY

LAUGH pulls the CAMERA around the interior of a cheesy chain

Mexican restaurant. The Camera stops on a table with HOBBES,

DARIEN, MR. APHID and CORBY. Dinner is over, the beers have

been flowing and HOBBES is just finishing the punchline of a

raunchy joke. Darien and Corby laugh politely, but Mr. APHID is

almost swallowing the tablecloth with laughter.

DARIEN (V.O.)

People play all kinds of games,

even adults. The one I usually

played for the government was 'hide

and seek'. Tonight, though, it was

a game of 'make-believe'.

HOBBES

...So that's how she knew how to

get to Florida!

DARIEN (V.O.)

As in "Make believe we're computer

thieves."

Again a laugh. MR. Aphid gives Hobbes a hearty slap on the

back.

MR. APHID

I'll bet she did! Florida! Hey

Corby, you get it? She knew about

Florida because he had a really

big...

CORBY

(A little squeamish)

I get it. I get it.

DARIEN (V.O.)

Or make believe that we like a

couple of shmucks just to build a

case.

MR. APHID

Hey Hobbes, I guess you're okay!

You're finally starting to loosen

up a bit.

Darien gives Hobbes an "I told you so" look. Mr. Aphid recovers

and checks the resturant to ensure that it is sufficiently empty

so they can get down to business. His demeanor now hardens.

MR. APHID (CONT'D)

Well, let's talk this over.

DARIEN

Yeah. Are you sure this is a safe

place to do this kinda 'business'?

MR. APHID

Absolutely. Good food, cheap beer

and the best thing about it?

(he points up)

The muzac makes any fed recording

sound like a Ricky Martin concert.

Totally garbled and inadmissable.

Hobbes and Fawkes look at each other and sigh.

HOBBES

Sounds good. So what's the

security situation?

CORBY

I've rerouted the inventory

security system in the main

microprocessor store room. We can

snag up to five hundred units

without setting off any primary

alarms or morning hard-counts.

DARIEN

Nice work Corby.

Corby smiles. Aphid squashes him.

MR. APHID

Shoulda been done a week ago. So

you with the program Fawkes?

DARIEN

Five hundred gx-9 micro processors?

What the hell do you need that many

chips for?

MR. APHID

Not my business or yours.

Our associate does whatever he

wants with 'em. We just take the

money and run.

HOBBES

And how much is that?

MR. APHID

Five Million each.

Everybody stops and takes the sum in. Darien stares at Aphid,

carefully weighing the options.

DARIEN

Okay, I'm in. I'll switch the boxes

with the empty ones on my night

shift.

HOBBES

So how do we get paid?

MR. APHID

After I've made the exchange, I'll

return with the money at a

designated spot.

HOBBES

Hold on here chief. No offense,

but I'd rather be there when the

money's being passed around.

MR. APHID

That's not possible.

HOBBES

Hey, this whole caper here wouldn't

be possible if it weren't for us.

I introduced you to Shaggy here and

he's the only one authorized to

work in the storeroom. Now had you

not met us, you would've been

lifting one processor at a time and

missing the big payout altogether.

We're in this all the way or not at

all.

CORBY

He's right.

Aphid shoots Corby a stern look, but Corby doesn't back down

this time. Instead, Aphid acquiesces.

MR. APHID

Fine. I'll arrange it with the

Associate for all of us to be at

the drop off.

DARIEN

So when do we start?

MR. APHID

Tomorrow night. Your shift begins

at 10pm. We'll start at 11. Is

that a problem?

DARIEN

Not at all. If you want, I can

have the...

Darien freezes in mid sentence. Beat. The other three look at

each other, confused.

MR. APHID

You can have the what?

Darien unfreezes for a moment. He glances at Hobbes.

DARIEN

I'm sorry. I said that I can have

the truck...

Darien again seizes up, but this time it's more violent. Now he

begins to look around in a quick, erratic manner. No one seems

more stunned than Darien.

HOBBES

You okay there, ace?

DARIEN

Yeah, just a little muscle spasm I

got there. I really sdljhffp...

CORBY

I'm sorry. What was that?

Darien now seems totally out of control of his own body. He

blurts out words and phrases against his will.

DARIEN

I don't know. I was trying...I

can't hear! Is there sound?

MR. APHID

Huh?

DARIEN

I didn't say that! Is there sound?

How do I move? Whoa, lag, man.

HOBBES

Darien, what the hell is this? Of

course there's...

Darien begin violently rocking in the booth. It's like bumper

cars with him slamming into the table, Hobbes, and a now freaked

Corby. Mr. Aphid chooses to get pissed.

MR. APHID

Listen, Fawkes, I don't know what

is going on here but...

Darien looks at him for a moment then lunges across the table at

him. At nose to nose range Darien screams at Mr. Aphid.

DARIEN

I'm the ripper! Who starts! Who

starts!!

Darien freezes as he did before in mid sentence and hovers over

Mr. Aphid. Then, like a plug being pulled, Darien crashes onto

the table into Mr. Aphid's taco salad, unconscious.

Hobbes mouth is almost to the floor. Aphid is livid.

MR. APHID

The Ripper? What's he talking

about? What is this Hobbes?

HOBBES

(searching)

Well, I think that...

MR. APHID

We're trying to conduct business

and your man gets plastered like

that? What do you think this is?

He gets up. Corby follows.

HOBBES

Mr. Aphid, give me a minute to

explain.

MR. APHID

Listen to me you little ferret,

we're gonna go now before 'loopy'

here gets the cops on us. If you

two blow this, there'll be hell to

pay.

Aphid and Corby storm out. Darien groans and slowly lifts his

head from the beans. Hobbes glares at him.

HOBBES

There already is.

INT. THE OFFICIAL'S OFFICE - THE NEXT DAY

THE OFFICIAL, THE KEEPER and EBERTS are all facing Darien, who

is seated. Hobbes is standing behind him. The Official trying

to understand all this.

OFFICIAL

Now run this by me again? Exactly

why did you start shouting "I can't

hear"?

DARIEN

I told you: I couldn't help it.

OFFICIAL

Ah, yes. Because according to your

'report' you felt...

The Official gestures to Eberts who reads Darien's 'report'

written in crayon on a Cha Cha's napkin.

EBERTS

"Controlled by some outside force."

DARIEN

Yes.

OFFICIAL

By something you don't know.

DARIEN

Right.

OFFICIAL

But it did make you say...

EBERTS

"I am the bipper."

DARIEN

Ripper. I am the Ripper.

EBERTS

Ah.

(looks)

Your "R"'s look like "B"'s in

crayon.

DARIEN

Yeah, well I had to write it all

down right after it happened and

all they had at the restaurant were

cray- hey what is the problem here?

Something starts making me do the

mambo and all you can do is nail me

on my cursive?

OFFICIAL

Try to understand my perspective,

Darien. Try to grasp how calm I'm

remaining. This job was given to

us as a favor from the Justice

Department.

EBERTS

The GX-9 microprocessor is a high

end commercial chip that closely

emulates guidance circuitry on

smart bombs. It is considered a

classified technology.

OFFICIAL

And the fact that the Justice

Department gave us this assignment

to us in hopes that we could find

out who these guys are working for,

is a big step towards regaining our

credibility.

EBERTS

What little we started with.

OFFICIAL

So when one of my agents, who has

been inserted into the GX

corporation at great pains, comes

close to botching a case of this

magnitude, I feel the need to fully

understand the situation.

DARIEN

I told you, something seized me.

OFFICIAL

Of course. And all we're trying to

do is determine when exactly it

happened.

EBERTS

Or more specifically, between which

alcoholic beverage.

Darien stops. Usually The Official nails Eberts for his

bluntness, but this time it almost seems planned. Everyone else

waits for a reaction.

DARIEN

Whoa, time out. You think I was

drunk? You think I was just

blitzed when this happened?

(silence)

You have got to be kidding!

EBERTS

According to your..."Napkin report"

you had consumed several

intoxicants.

DARIEN

Well, I had a couple of beers,

sure.

OFFICIAL

Agent Hobbes puts it more at six.

Darien turns to Hobbes a little shocked.

DARIEN

This is about the ferret thing

isn't it.

HOBBES

Darien...

DARIEN

You don't think I can hold my beer,

is that it? I could drink all of

you under the table! Hey, ask the

Keeper. We just finished with a

full diagnostic. Go on, tell'em.

What did your tests show?

KEEPER

That your blood alcohol level was

twice the legal limit...

DARIEN

Yeah, yeah, beside that!!

KEEPER

(beat)

I'm sorry Darien, I didn't find

anything out of the ordinary.

DARIEN

What? No, but I'm telling you

that...

Darien looks at everyone in disbelief.

DARIEN (CONT'D)

You don't believe me. My god, I'm

telling the truth and you don't

trust me!

OFFICIAL

Darien, do you trust me?

DARIEN

Hell, no!

OFFICIAL

It's a two way street kid. Now I

don't know what is happening here

and I don't care. I'm not going to

take any chances on this anymore so

you're off the case. Hobbes,

you've got tonight to salvage this

before we have to give this back to

the Justice Department.

HOBBES

Sir, Darien is critical to this

mission.

OFFICIAL

Then you have work to do. The

meeting is over.

Eberts files the napkin as Hobbes strides out. Darien and The

Official have a staring match for a moment until Darien breaks

it off.

INT. AGENCY HALL - CONTINUOUS

Darien walks through the door looking for Hobbes. He's already

on his cell phone down the hallway. The Keeper enters.

DARIEN

Way to back me up in there. You

couldn't have told me that before I

made an ass of myself?

KEEPER

I didn't receive all the tests

until you were in The Official's

Office.